i am grasping my breath these days...breathing seems to be difficult for me...its getting back like what it used to be like in secondary school...the frequent faints and frequent short of breath...i am really afraid...i am weak...yet still i have to hold on my strong self infront of people...its rather hard...

these days...i felt lost...i don't know exactly why...that's why i decided to go batam with sistaz to put things down and just stay happy and relax...i wonder whats wrong with people...maybe its just me...i always though everyone can stay happy as friends together...instead of splitting up into cliques...i am always stucked in the middle of friends and i am struggling...when i have to leave this group and go to chat with another group i have to lie to them...not that i want to lie on purpose...but i know if i tell them i am going to the other group...they would start ignoring me...maybe i am thinking too much i don't know...i am being over friendly i guess...people start to doubt me...but i don't say bad things about them to other groups...because of this they start to doubt that whether am i really one of their friends...personally i think its hard...sometimes i just feel like giving up those friends who can't understand me...i always find it hard to reject things...i am a bad friend i guess...but no matter what...i will still put on that smile...as long as they are my friends...friends are friends...i cannot find another maveric...i cannot find another wei jie...i cannot find another jane...i cannot find another susy...i cannot find another liting...i cannot find another person...there is no replace thats why i tried my very best to please all the friends i can...but in the end i am making myself feel bad...i am really lost...i hope to find back myself...my ownself...my own identity...i hope for a change in myself...i am finding back the real Chang Boon...not the one in the past...not the one presently...but the one that is going to face the future...during these 3 days in batam...

Fyp has been going well...starting my shoot next week...i am going to put my best effort into this...and also after fyp i will concentrate on making graduation video for our batch's people...they have been great schoolmates i would say...i still remember when once i was stressed and teared outside audio room...vanessa came to console me and some who don't really know me well...when they walk past me they would also put a tissue on the table or sumthing...they are really great people...and also my coursemates...we are left with around two to three more months together...and i really hope we will all graduate together...love ya guys lots...and merry christmas and a happy new year...

we entered each other's life and memory before...so let's cherish this memory...
take care guys...

...

CiQing
Elroy
Jane
Liting
Susy
Yongrui
Cheryl
Gwendelyn










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